I’d like to say we have pretty good trust and communication in our marriage. However, that didn’t come without plenty of trials and tribulations to get there, but whose relationship doesn’t, right? It’s a bit cynical in my opinion but many people view couples that are married for a substantial amount of time as miraculous. The only thing miraculous about my marriage is that we haven’t killed one another yet and no extramarital affairs have been brought to light…yet.
Trust is huge for me, so if you lose it just kill yourself lol. You’d come back from the dead much quicker. It’s important to me. And that is why I have been so open and have communicated with my husband until he also felt a level of trust to expose his deepest fears and secrets.
There are moments I envision slapping the taste from his mouth because the truth hurts so bad, but there are also times I want to be fucked until he makes me scream his name. Yes, truth and trust can be sexy.
Because my husband has suffered from low self-esteem and depression, it is sexually arousing when I see his confidence shine. I can tell he gets a little extra pep in his step when an attractive woman hits on him. He’s “Mister personality,” so place him in a room full of strangers and he will definitely rise to the top. I love that about him.
“Babe, I was talking to a chick I met the other night while I was out and after a few drinks I could tell she was hitting on me.”
“Was she cute? What did she look like?”
“She was actually 5’4” or so. Cute face, light brown eyes, short haircut. Kinda how I like yours most times.”
“Oh okay. What made you think she was hitting on you?”
“Well I had plenty of conversation with her and we exchanged numbers for the business because she was in PR. But in the text conversation she was a bit abrupt when I told her I was in a committed relationship.”
Thought: Who in the entire fuck is in a committed relationship?
So I can’t flip because I still need him to know he can trust me with anything, but this is one of those slap the shit out of him truth moments. I heard nothing else after that because I had to recite meditating calming words repeatedly.. nam myoho renge kyo, nam myoho renge kyo, nam myoho renge kyo, nam myoho renge kyo
“Babe, do you actually think marriage is the same thing as a committed relationship?”
“Yes, I’m committed to you. You’re committed to me. How is that not the same?”
“Maybe you’re right. I never looked at it that way.”
Not long before this conversation, my husband had upgraded my engagement and wedding band. He made sure I didn’t leave the house without it. I was going to New York to spend some overdue time with friends and relax. I decided to leave my rings at home. My husband called me before I even got to the turnpike to inform me that I left my rings home.
I said “babe, everyone will know I’m in a committed relationship so I don’t really need to wear them while I’m here. I respect you, as you do I, no big deal.”
The phone goes silent.
I hear the movie Boomerang playing in the background and I hear Halle Berry scream to Eddie Murphy one of the most riveting statements “LOVE SHOULD’VE BROUGHT YOUR ASS HOME LAST NIGHT”. So much context in that one statement.
I want to repeat it, but I know I don’t need to because it’s ringing through his brain like a marble in an arcade game.
Although, physically love did bring him home that night did it emotionally?
To be continued….