Me the Imposter

Do you ever look in the mirror and wish you could see the you others see? Just for a moment, change your vantage point and experience the you others perceive you to be in hopes it’ll encourage you to keep going. You know who you are (for the most part), know what you’re capable of, know what you deserve, but you still have those moments of “How was I fortunate enough to be here?” 

I often find myself in spaces where I look up and say “this is only God” because if anything, I got lucky. Being in the right place at the right time, talking to the right person at the right time, following up the right way, falling into the right events…not attributing my innate abilities in any way. Feeling as though there is an imposter in my place, that the me I see in the mirror couldn’t possibly be enough. 

I don’t think women talk about this enough. Feelings qualified for a role or being deserving of an experience or good relationships but rationalizing the opposite with a running list of negatives. Sigh. We often take ourselves out the running mentally before ever giving ourselves a true shot. Why is that? 

Imposter syndrome is defined as “the persistent inability to believe that one’s success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one’s own efforts or skills.” As I continue navigating my 20’s I’ve made it a point to stop, pause and truly assess life happenings. Why do I feel I shouldn’t be here? Or that I don’t deserve? Or that I’m not good enough. Most thoughts have everything to do with internalizing a misplaced expectation or how someone else has treated me – truly having nothing to do with me (there are a ton of folks out here projecting their unresolved triggers onto you…stay woke). 

For the second half of my twenties, I’m really working to approach professional situations with the confidence of a mediocre white man (and being prepared of course) and the rest of life happenings knowing I deserve every good, mind blowing thing God sends me. Because I DESERVE. 

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