I’m fairly set in my belief that most men cheat.
I’m not saying they cheat in every relationship. I do believe some men are faithful and the others can mature and change, but at a minimum, I think most men play with fire and test boundaries and women are the final determinant of how far men can go.
I think men have always been this way. Back in the day, men would leave their home and travel maybe five miles up the road to give a few good pumps to some lovely lady before heading back home and she was cool with it. Maybe she thought he’d one day leave his wife or maybe she was OK with being the other woman (whore). She was the original thirst trap. She was a world where he didn’t have to talk bills, the kids or help pick the perfect paint color for the walls. She was his peace.
Today, that young lady has morphed into the woman being held in the palm of his hand. (She could be innocent, it’s up to her.) As his thumb scrolls across her thirst trap pics on the ‘gram, his mind wanders to a land of curiosity and that becomes a DM. “Hey, it’s been a minute. How are you?” He’s reaching and she has time. (She’s no longer innocent.)
The dark, secretive, hidden world of DM’s and social media. All of the niceties, the catch-up’s, the inquiries that lead to “lets grab a drink, how’s your relationship?, how was work?” Oh, no. Stress. Let me listen. Let me compliment you. Let me massage you. Oops, I didn’t mean to kiss you. But since we’re here, we might as well put the tip in just to see.
Just to see what? If it feels so good that he’ll leave his woman?
Bish please. Haven’t we seen this narrative enough? Most men who cheat do not leave home. He wants to have his cake and eat it too, but if forced to choose, he’s saying you meant nothing and he’s sitting in couple’s therapy trying to salvage his relationship (o_O).
I was once told, “Sis, I hope you find someone else. We deserve better.” That was a message from his side chick. After having tried to friend request me multiple times, she ultimately slid into my DM’s and told me all of their secrets.
Yes, I was in total shock that he cheated but looking back what also shocked me was how warm and sweet she was at first. She was doing me a favor. She was looking out for me. (Wow, this was so nice of her. #GirlPower)
But that all changed when she realized he wasn’t going to leave me, for her.
In all of her glory, she still was not enough. I mean, I’m not hating. The girl had a great body and was gorgeous. Her profile made her appear to be a good time and the life of the party. She was smiling and happy. Seemingly had a good job and had her shit together. Shit, in another life, I would have probably been her friend, asking her for make-up tips and hitting the gym with her. But in the end, no matter how great she was or how much of an escape she was for him, she wasn’t enough. He wanted nothing else to do with her.
So what’s the best way to hurt him? Of course, hurt the woman he’s “with.”
My response to her, “I hope you never have to deal with a woman like you.”
And that pissed her off because apparently women like me shame other women, when the man is at fault.
She’s right. He was 100% wrong for his choices. He broke his commitment to me. My beef was with him…but she me reminded me how trifling women can be. She knew he was in a relationship when he slid into her DM’s and she knew he was in a relationship when he slid into her panties.
Whatever sweet nothings he may have whispered into her ear, she still knew.
And that’s my point. That’s my bish please moment, she was not a victim here. She ultimately played a part in her own pain. She played herself. She trapped herself by accepting his lies and waiting for the day I was out and she was in. And the moment she realized he was lying to her, “WE deserved better.” No sis, you deserve exactly what you are getting.
When do we as women get to a point where we stop the bullshit. We have all been wronged by men and we all know what that pain feels like. Yet there are still enough women out there looking for an opportunity to have a good time, at another women’s expense. Yes, there are a lot of men who are dogs but at some point, we as women need to hold ourselves accountable.