As I sat on the cold plastic surgeon’s table, waiting on him to arrive I imagined myself getting up and running out several times. I actually got up and started to get dressed as the doctor came in and greeted me. WTF am I doing here? It’s funny actually. I really couldn’t replay how I got here, but I knew why I was here and there was no turning back now.
Growing up as a petite young girl I watched my siblings and male friends chase after the “thick chick”. I’ve always wanted to be curvier, hippy, and have a big juicy ass with boobs to match. Well the boobs were natural thankfully so I at least had something to work with. However, as I continued to scroll through social media over the years I realized my view was beginning to be skewed. I’d seen enough ugly ducklings turned reality stars or IG influencers to know I could finally have what I had been craving (or so I thought at the time anyway). As I was speaking to the doctor about my current options I knew there was no turning back at this point…. Until the doctor threw in a small caveat. “Married mom, I could do this surgery for you next week, but I have to tell you I don’t advise it. You are naturally gorgeous and literally need absolutely nothing done to your body. It is your money and your body but some things I just refuse to touch and some of the request you listed I just can’t do in good faith.
D E F L A T E D
I left with that lump in my throat knowing I was going to cry the moment the door to the car shut, but it would only take a few moments to realize what he said to me was the biggest gift in disguise. I had no idea that social media would soon balloon with plastic surgeons, that women would die trying to mimic filters that didn’t exist in real life, that imposters would pose as doctors injuring and killing women and women’s ass’ would literally fall off, and that celebrities would fly to foreign countries never to return chasing a body that only a filter could create. It was in that moment I realized I was not willing to lose my life and leave behind my child and husband to mimic women whom had their own burdens to bear.
Now, I’m no saint…after my last child I went back to the plastic surgeon for what I deemed as ‘maintenance’. I wanted all my body parts put back where they were prior to having children. However, the only surgery I have managed to actually get was take my natural breast back to where they used to sit before they were filled with thousands of ounces of breast milk and I was a happy camper. I have managed to change my eating habits and exercise to get back to my old shape or at least somewhere around the block ;). We are always our hardest critics, but we can’t continue to have social media skew our perception of what we think of ourselves especially when it actually doesn’t exist.
We stand on the shoulders of giants. I’m sure those giants did not have a 24” waist with a 50” ass.
I play this song just as much as I scroll through social media…
‘Sometimes I shave my legs and sometimes I don’t
Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I won’t
Depend of how the wind blows I might even paint my toes
It really just depends on whatever feels good in my soul
I’m not the average girl from your video
And I ain’t built like a supermodel
But I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I’m wearing I will always be