This morning a friend posted this meme. I snickered.
The truth is that DM’s have become magical lands of manifest destiny. No matter how subtle or overt, it is where you shoot your shot.
I’m not opposed to it at all. I have shot my shot on a couple of occasions and it certainly led to dates and dinners. It’s the modern way to meet prospects. Cool. Got it.
The problem is, it’s also the place where cheating simmers and breeds. We touched on this a bit in Bish Please.
Since I’ve been single, my Instagram DM notification alerts have come alive again. Sadly, the majority of the alerts are from men in relationships or men I can’t touch. It annoys TF out of me.
I think men and women can be friends and it can be innocent, however, I also think there are enough “friends” out here setting bait traps and waiting to see if the other “friend” will bite. I’m not biting. I’m not trying to put another woman through what I just experienced.
And you might ask, what am I doing to invite these conversations? Not a damn thing. I am queen of minding my business.
What I do know is that some men are very intentional and sneaky. They lay traps years in advance and patiently wait to catch something.
DM Trap Star #1
I worked with a guy in ATL, probably ten years ago. He was kind of dating another woman at the time but he was mad cool. When the job ended, we connected over social media and kept in touch. Over the years, he’d check in. We’d shoot quick messages back about work, life, etc. Very surface. The last couple of years, he would casually flirt. About a month ago, he shot me a message “Sexy AF. Let’s have a drink. Been long enough.”
I’m not really attracted to him but in full agreement that my ass needs to at least get out of the house and practice dating. I’m definitely not going to meet the man of my dreams on my couch. So I agreed to meet up.
We never reached the “meet up.” The next week, he posted a picture of his wife, wishing her a happy anniversary. I paused on the picture and had to ask myself if I was losing my mind. I went back to his profile and saw no mention of her – EVER. I went back to the post and liked it.
DM Trap Star #2
I met a guy in my twenties who became a really good friend. We had a weird vibe. There was something there but we never acted on it. Most of the time, I was in a relationship and the rest of the time we were just playing games with each other. Everyone thought we would be great together, but we never tried it.
Once I was ready to try, it was too late. He met someone and it became serious, fast. He proposed, they married. I ended up meeting the guy I thought I’d marry. So it seemed like everything happened the way it was supposed to.
He and I remained friends over the years and would do quick catch up’s in the DM. How’s life? The new city we’re living in? Love? All very innocent until finally, he wrote:
“I need him to take you off the market. I’m tired of looking at you and worrying I made the wrong decision.”
I hated that he wrote that. I needed him to be the one guy who didn’t break character. Who didn’t lay a trap.
Maybe I’m being dramatic and none of the above is as bad as I’m making it. IDK. I just know I wouldn’t want my husband sending these subtle and not so subtle shots. Is it too much to want a man who is content and in control of himself?
What do you think? Are these innocent DM’s from friends? Would you want your man sending these to his “female friends?”
Maybe I’m tripping.